A lovely testimonial

A Lovely Testimonial

A Lovely Testimonial

I recently received a lovely message from a lady called Eli who had a distance session with me back in September. Her message was saying how the session had helped her with her anxiety and depression for which she was grateful, but she had found herself gradually slipping into anxiety about things on a much greater scale.

With Eli’s permission I have included below our whole conversation in the hope that if anyone else is going through a similar sort of anxiety and fear for the future, something in these words may help.

Eli:-
Hi Kathy, I wanted to let you know that after our session a few things came to me that helped my anxiety and depression. It was kind of like thoughts that came into my head of way to help with what I’m feeling If that makes sense and I have made some changes. I just wanted to say thank you.

I do however feel the anxiety and depression has crept back. I wonder if you tell me your opinion on a subject that probably sounds silly but considering you have a background in science I thought maybe you could help my thought process.

The main struggle I have is a fear of dying and my family and animals dying, I’m not depressed because I don’t like life, I’m depressed because I love it so much and don’t want it to all disappear one day. Anyway, I came to a point where I was sort of ok with it thinking there must be something more to it and that can’t possibly just be the end. Then my mind did what it does best and finds the next thing to obsess and panic over. Now I’m stuck in this loop-hole of even if death isn’t the end once the sun dies there will be no earth or universe anymore and that breaks my heart and makes me feel very depressed and anxious. Is all science just theory? Do you think there is something else out there that will preserve the earth? There has to be right? I just can’t accept that all of evolution and the beautiful world we have means nothing and will just be a burning rock one day. I understand if you think I’m crazy, it’s just no one else seems to get it and I thought you might.”

Kathy :-

“Hi Eli

Thank you so much for your message!

I’m so glad the session helped you.

The first thing I wanted to say is – NO you are not crazy!!

I read this message in the middle of the night and my mind went wild in a dozen different directions.

I will try and formulate an understandable answer!!

Love and hugs to you

Kathy xxx”

Kathy:-

“Hi Eli,

OK I’m going to put some thoughts down here and hope they might help.

Firstly looking at the fear/anxiety the emotional side of how in eons to come this world/Sun/ Universe which is so beautiful and magnificent might one day disappear.

This to me is what Brené Brown calls “foreboding joy”. The example she gives in her book “Daring Greatly” is where someone is looking at a sleeping child and feeling the love and beauty of that child lying there in front of them. However, they do not stay in that moment of enjoying that feeling and dreaming of the wonderful life ahead of that child, instead they can only fear the dreadful things that might happen. They worry about the possibility of illness, accident or even death happening for that sleeping child. This is “foreboding joy”, it is a state we can get into when we do not allow ourselves to feel joy.

So for you maybe a thing to practise is “staying in the moment”. No-one knows what is round the corner and in truth ALL we have is now…… and now…… and now. Nothing is certain for the future. Yes we plan and do our best for that future for ourselves and our loved ones, but in the end no one can make that guarantee that the future will be as we plan or want.

“Anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrows, but only empties today of its joy.”

A way to help you stay in the moment and present is to become aware of every time your thoughts go to that fear for the future. So, every time you feel that thought emerging. Stop. Breath. Give yourself a moment to say to yourself “I don’t need to go there and get upset as going there will not change anything but will rob me of now!” – or words to that affect.

The more you practise being aware the less those anxious thoughts will a) have power over you and b) actually occur.

Also when something joyful happens in your life really acknowledge it, not only the happiness it brings you but the way it makes you feel in your body. Practise being in that feeling as often as you can eg if you wake up to a beautiful sunrise – sit in appreciation and gratitude for that moment of beauty. Feel the joy in your body as much as in your mind. By practising being joyful you are strengthening that pathway in your mind and body until that becomes your “go to” place instead of anxiety.

So those are some practical strategies which I hope might help.

The other part I would like to address is just as you say, “Is all science a theory?” – I LOVE that thought.

So at the moment we are told that in x million/billion years our sun will go Super Nova and then collapse into a black hole and then we are done! But firstly, if that IS true, what happens afterwards? Has anyone been through a black hole? Who’s to say that at the other side of a black hole an even better world exists? No one knows. At the moment science says one thing, but look at how as new discoveries are made, how often they change their minds.

I was reading a very simple discussion on particle physics and how many types of neutrino exist. There are massive projects going on all over the world studying neutrinos, but as a layman reading the science I couldn’t help but see how they made a “hypothesis” up and stated that this what they thought, but then as more data came in that disproved that hypothesis they had to go back to the drawing board and think of something else.

I truly believe this is the state of most of science – hell – modern medicine doesn’t even work on the fact that we and everything else are energy and atoms are mainly space!!!! In truth we have a LOOOONNGG way to go to really understand anything about us and the Universe. So what you are being anxious about is in the end a working hypothesis – not fact and reality.

These are just my thoughts Elise, I do hope they will help in some way. I’m always here if you need me.

Love and hugs

Kathy “

Eli:-
Thank you so much Kathy

I can’t describe how grateful I am for your very detailed response. No one has ever taken the time to explain things to me in that way. I can’t believe that someone I have never met could be so genuine and kind to me and offer more support than I have ever had.

And it is so true, now that I think on it I for some reason have never allowed myself to be happy of feel joy(let it stick around anyway)I just always have this feeling of everything needs to be right, in balance and perfect before I allow myself to feel ok.I do it with everything in my life.

I am going to work very hard on taking a breath and not allowing those negative thoughts and feeling to take over.

Thank you for the practical strategies, now I have something to work on instead of just feeling lost and helpless.

I find it hard to believe that all of the universe is just a coincidence, it’s too perfect, the way everything is connected and working together in harmony. I guess it’s just a fear of the unknown. I hope I can slow down and start enjoying the journey instead of always worrying about the destination.

Thank you again so much” 

Eli:-
Hi Kathy, over the last couple of days I have been feeling the same sort of things to when you did my session last time, it kind of feels like some space is being made in my mind and it’s not as noisy and chaotic as it has been. I have also been able to better have a ‘shield’ for my negative thoughts, they are still there but have a feeling of when they come they sort of bounce off something and go away. Anyway just thought I would say thanks if it’s you helping “

Kathy :-
“Oh Eli that is wonderful.

I think this is all part of the process of you healing yourself via the effects of the session and yes maybe our recent connection.

I think the session started you healing, but maybe a bit like Warwick’s description of what a shutdown horse does, you started then to face more anxieties (the fate of the Earth and Universe), but you reached out to me and that helped you find the “tools” within yourself to move forward again to an even better place.

So so cool.

Well done you!”

Lot 22

Lot 22

My BIG news is that Teazel is home from rehab. For the past six months until then end of September 2021, Teazel had been at an amazing holistic rehab yard about 25 miles south of me. Here she had lots of company, two miles of very low grass tracks and an owner Larri, who is the personification of care, knowledge and love. 

Teazel had been there because she was diagnosed with EMS (Equine Metabolic Syndrome) and IR (Insulin Resistance) – think type 2 diabetes in humans. The symptoms of these were a propensity to laminitis – sometimes very lowgrade but resulting in “footiness” – on/off mild lameness, and an inability to digest and process properly the sugar in hay and grass.

Thankfully I had her blood readings re-tested at the vets on the way home from the rehab centre and they are much better. My job now is to keep them like that!😊

Teazel is a horse that “appears” content on her own, however I have always tried to keep her in company when I can. Unfortunately due to the EMS and IR which is managed by keeping off grass as much as possible, her usual grazing with my friend’s horse in her fields just up the hill from our farm became unsuitable as there was just too much grass for her.

So then I hatched the next grand plan!! Get Teazel some company!

To begin with I thought of getting a 12 hh Welsh Section A pony. Equine company and easy to keep. But then I thought,
“Well if I’m going to keep another horse, why not have one I, and others in my family could ride? 

So very quickly the search changed from a 12 hh pony to something at least 14.2 hh – basically another horse!🙈🙈 Oops!😂

As I started trawling through online horse forums and websites I realised just how “lucky” I had been to within fourteen days of my previous horse Midnight succumbing to massive colic,  have “found” Teazel. The Universe, Midnight and very likely other benign energies were with me at that time and led me purposefully and easily to my next teacher, aka Teazel!

This time as I started the search it appeared so much more daunting – so many places to look and such high prices being asked. Then I remembered our local horse sale, an institution that has been running for over 100 years – and when you are there it looks like not much has changed in that 100 years! 

The next sale was to be two days after Teazel came home ideal IF there was something suitable there for both Teazel and me. The sale is always the last Thursday of the month and the catalogue usually comes out a week before the sale, however of course as I was looking it didn’t come out until late on the Monday before the sale – I had an extra three days of anticipation wondering what would be entered and whether there would be something suitable! When the catalogue was finally published, looking through the descriptions (no photos) in the catalogue there were indeed two or three that caught my eye.

It was however when I went on the associated Facebook page that I found what I was looking for. Lot 22 Llainonnen Evette a seven year old pure Welsh Section D mare. Recently started having been on farm all her life. Described as not a novice ride as still in need of some education herself.
Knowing I would be taking her back to basics á la Warwick Schiller that suited me to the ground. She was perfect. A bright bay with white points, beautiful movement and the kindest of eyes. I had found my new horse. Now I just had to buy her.

In the week leading up to the sale something interesting happened. I honestly cannot remember when I last found any money on the floor either in the house or the road. But in that week before the sale within two days I first found a pound coin and then a day later I found a five pence piece. Nothing extraordinary you may think … but …. a pound and five pence is the equivalent of an old fashioned guinea. A guinea is unit of currency worth 21 old shillings or £1.05 in today’s money. The guinea went out of circulation here in the United Kingdom in the Great Recoinage of 1816 when it was replaced by the pound. The significance to me of the guinea is that all livestock auctions (including the horse sale I was about to attend) are priced in guineas. Rightly or wrongly I thought it a sign that I was to be successful at the sale in finding a new companion for Teazel.

The day before the sale I did question my sanity of going there to buy a horse. Horse sales have a reputation of sometimes being a place to “offload” the horse that is “not quite right” – so buyer beware. And it seemed I was going on my own as no-one was free to come with me – that was until the afternoon before the sale when my wonderful, dearest friend Angie rang up offering her company. Oh yes – I was off pony shopping with my best mate! Perfect!❤️🙏

We got to the sale nice and early mainly because I knew how crammed the car park could get and I wanted a good place to load and an easy route out IF we should buy. 

Slowly the pens started to fill up. Lot 22 was nowhere to be seen.

I had made a second choice if Lot 22 did not appear. It was Lot 16 a nine year old Welsh section D mare, only been used as a broodmare, not started at all. Seen in the flesh she seemed lovely apart from a thickening on a front foot below the fetlock which the farmer selling her assured me she had had since she sustained an injury as a foal and it had never caused any problem. A photo of said foot sent to my farrier seemed to confirm this, but the mare had not done any work so it was still a risk to be aware of.

It was about 30 minutes before the sale and Lot 22 had still not arrived. Sometimes because horses are advertised before hand they get sold privately at home before the sale and so never appear. This is what we feared had happened to Lot 22.

Angie and I made our way to the ring and stood on the stands waiting for the sale to begin. As we stood there a horse was being ridden around the sale ring (this is a euphemistic term as “the ring” is actually a gap in what is a sheep and cattle sale yard, so about 30 metres long by 5 metres wide – concrete floor with just a dusting of shavings – hardly the ideal footing for a horse sale, but that’s the way it has been for as long as I can remember.)

The horse was clearly very anxious and not wanting to go forward despite it having a companion horse. The lady riding was very competent even when this horse did a passable imitation of a “levade” – a movement of classical horsemanship where the horse stands up and balances on its hind legs, she sat quiet but did have to drive the horse forward at one point in order to get it to move .

As I stood looking at this spectacle I suddenly realised I was looking at Lot 22. I had studied Lot 22’s face from the video on Facebook and recognised the little white snip on her nose. Angie was not so sure it was her, but I was convinced.

I followed the pair out of the sale ring and went to speak to the rider.
“Is that Lot 22?” I asked.
“Yes” she replied, “She honestly is so much calmer at home, she is finding this all a bit much as she has never been anywhere. I know she is messing about but I don’t feel unsafe on her.”

I asked the lady a couple more questions and then satisfied with the answers returned to Angie and said,
“That’s my horse right there!”

The die was cast it was Lot 22 or nothing.

Angie and I took our place back on the stand and the sale began. Every time I caught sight of Lot 22, I’d point to her and whisper to Angie,
“There’s my horse!”

Lot 16 my second choice came in the ring and doubt surged through me. Should I be bidding on her? She would undoubtedly be cheaper, and what if Lot 22 went absolutely silly money, I’d be coming home with nothing and my search would have to start all over again.

But taking a deep breath and deliberately not looking at the auctioneer I held my resolve and kept my hands firmly by my side. As Lot 16 left the ring at a price well, well below my maximum limit, I knew it was now all on Lot 22.

Not many minutes later Lot 22 entered the ring being led by her rider. I think she had wisely decided to lead her round rather than ride her as it was all a bit much of the mare to cope with.

The bidding started at a 1000gns and in a couple of minutes rising by 100gns per bid she was at 2500gns. Up until this point I had resolutely not even looked at the auctioneer. I was channelling my husband a lifelong livestock farmer and a very canny buyer at auction. I knew that the earlier I joined in the bidding the more I would push the price up, so discretion was the better part of valour and I knew not to start bidding until it looked like most, if not all of the other bidders had run out of steam (and hopefully money)!

It was apparent that at 2500gns everything was coming to a head, it was now or never for me to step up and enter the fray.

As the auctioneer looked in my direction I looked him in the eye raised my hand and mouthed “Fifty” at him – if I was in a competition for this gorgeous horse at least I could half the amount it went up at each bid.
In response to my bid, no sooner than he had said 2550gns, someone else immediately put a bid in and he was saying, 

“2600.”

OK I thought so this is the way it was going to be … not taking my eyes off the auctioneer I nodded my head and he was saying,
“2650”. 

Bam – straight away the other bidder was in with 2700. The auctioneer looked straight back at me and within an even slighter nod it was 2750gns 

“2800”
“2850”
“2900”
As fast as the auctioneer could say the new price, my competitor and I had our next bid in, both of us trying to intimidate the other into realising we were going to keep bidding until we had the horse.

I nodded again, 

“2950” said the auctioneer.

I kept my eyes on him willing there to be no further bids as 3000gns was (supposedly) my upper limit. 

Unbelievably there were no more bids. 

“2950, 2950. Any more bids or I’m selling at 2950gns?”

BANG! The gavel came down. I had done it, Lot 22 Llainonnen Evette was mine!

I then had to hold up my buyers number. It was at that moment as I tried to unfold the piece of cardboard my number was on to show to the auctioneer, that I realised just how much my hands were shaking, just how much adrenaline was coursing through me and just how much I wanted to have this horse!

Angie and climbed down from the ringside stand to go back to the pen to see my new horse.
As I was negotiating my way through the people and the barriers, a gentleman stopped me and said, 

“So you had her then?” 

Realising he was talking about my latest purchase I replied,
“Yes indeed I did. I wasn’t going to stop until I DID have her!”

He smiled and then I could see there was just a glint of tears in his eyes as he said,
“I was selling her.”

I realised then what a genuine sale this was. A homebred mare that had been with the breeder all her life but needed to find a new home. Evie’s breeder put her up for sale at the auction obviously not knowing where she would end up. One look at his face and I could see the stress he had been under and hoped I could provide some relief knowing that she had at least not ended up with a dealer.

I couldn’t bear the emotion on his face. Ignoring every Covid rule under the sun, I just gave him a big hug and said with my own voice wavering slightly
“Worry not. She has a home for life with me.”

The lady who had done such a lovely job starting Evie, helped load her and with only a slight hesitation Evie was in the trailer and on her way to her new life.

And so Llainonnen Evette came into my life. On putting her in the field with Teazel, Teazel marched down and with arched necks they said hello. Teazel stamped and squealed and then wheeled round and planted a well-aimed double barrelled kick on Evie’s chest – I was at that point VERY glad that I had rugged Evie up against the rain!

But that was it. Teazel immediately walked up the field and went to graze. Evie followed straight after her, but kept a sensible distance from Teazel’s hind legs!
They are already the best of mates with Teazel being a lot more vocal than Evie when they are separated. Evie has been on her own in the stable and in the field and has been led round the valley like a trooper. She allows me to pick her feet out loose in the field and is just generally a sweet and friendly horse to be around.

Evie is very interested in everything going on (ie nosey!) and yesterday after I had left a barrow full of hay and feeds in the field by the gate but separated from Evie by a live electric fence, I found her quite capable of jumping said electric fence no problem at all. In all fairness the “gate” part of the fence was low. It has now been raised to a hopefully more imposing height!

There are two interesting synchronicities I discovered after buying Evie.
Firstly Evie’s registered stud name is Llainonnen Evette, it was only when talking with a neighbour here in the valley that I even began to wonder what the prefix “Llainonnen” might mean in English.  A couple of hours after talking with my friend I received a message from her saying it meant “Place of ash trees”, not very meaningful you may think,
 except the name of my bungalow here on the farm that I inherited from Mum and Dad is “Llwynon” – ash tree!! 

Secondly about ten days after buying Evie Angie and I went down to visit her breeder to get his signature on her passport so that I could change ownership.
We sat chatting with him and his wife and I happened to mention I had grown up in Wembley. I don’t know if you have ever experienced the situation when you say you are from a certain place (especially a large one like a suburb of London) and someone says “Oh you must know….” and they name a person or road as if just because you are from there you know everyone and everywhere!
Well that happened here. Evie’s breeder on hearing I was from Wembley said 
“Oh you must know Honeypot Lane?”
A tingle went up my spine and I nearly fell off my chair because I did in fact know Honeypot Lane  – very well. It was not only a road next to the primary school I had attended for seven years, but also a road I had travelled on very regularly during my eighteen years growing up in Wembley.  
Coincidences or synchronicities that show buying Evie was meant to be – I’ll let you decide.

So that is the tale of how Lot 22 came into my life, how I found Evie and Evie found me.

It is interesting that without any planning or fore thought, all of the three horses that I have bought Midnight, Teazel and now Evie have come straight (yes two via marts) from the breeder to me. I count myself so very lucky to have found these amazing horses.

Suffice to say both Teazel and I (and I hope Evie) are VERY happy.

I had never ever before thought about having two horses, but I am now officially a two-horse kind of gal!

Stillness with Teazel 10.09.17

Stillness with Teazel 10.09.17

In this episode of Teazel’s Tales , Teazel speaks of the power of the point of stillness as a place where change and insight can happen.

Stillness with Teazel 10.09.17

Stillness is the moment of change, the moment when everything is possible and everything allowed. There are no barriers, no limitations, the Universe awaits.

The point of Flow is stillness, when all you know can be utilised to the highest order and you can bring in new aspects now visible within your reach.
Change happens faster than the speed of light, hence transmogrification also happens at this speed.

To be in the moment of stillness is to be in the “now”,  But more, it is to be accepting and aware of your authentic self with all the powers and knowledge contained therein.

By accessing stillness you can pass the information on to another system – show it the way to obtain that place where all things are possible.

We are all following our own path so accessing the place of stillness may not give us previously unknown talents, but it will enhance and accentuate the path we are on.
When working with a system to enable it to come back into balance on every level, the place of stillness is where this can happen. In stillness there is nothing to impede movement and change. 

To access stillness you must lose all “drive” to get there. 

Intention. Attention. NO TENSION. 
The more you “want’ it the further away it goes.

The more aware you are of the existence and the power of stillness, the more likely you are to access it.
Work with the intention of getting to the best possible place (wherever that may be personally for you in this moment), but do NOT feel a failure if the point of stillness is not reached.

This is all practise to get us there, The more we do access it, the easier it will become to find it and then the more powerful, authentic and at peace we become on our path and in our work.

Anything and Everything is Possible 31.08.17

Anything and Everything is Possible 31.08.17

In this tale inspired by Teazel, she leads me down a path of discovery of how anything and everything is possible. She gave me the analogy of us learning how to step up through the colours of a rainbow with the aim of being able to access and understand each colour, so that in the end we could reach the goal of discovering pure white light.
This process is analogous to the process of us moving forward through our life gaining and using more information at each step, and us following a path truly unique to ourselves.

Anything and Everything is Possible 31.08.17 

Anything and everything is possible, it is just we are “taught” what reality is and that reality comes through the limitation of the human thinking mind.

When we expand our consciousness and let go, all things are possible, we can create everything, it is how the World came into being – from energy alone.

All answers are out there for us to find, but first we must free ourselves of our constraints, only then can we step into knowingness. In knowingness we find the answers. This does NOT mean we “know” everything; it means that when we put a train of thought out there, we step into the path that allows us to find the answer or make the discovery.

It allows us to step into the place of “no-thing. 

We do not follow a path previously followed by human thought, therefore the outcome and knowledge is novel and unknown. The information is already out there, the answers to EVERYTHING are out there, we have to learn the way to access them.

It is like looking at the bands of a rainbow. At the moment we as humans have only accessed the lower colours at the inside of the arch so we can access and “use” those colours. But to obtain true, pure, white light we have to move beyond the lower colours and through the whole spectrum. When we manage to do this, we achieve the goal of pure white light that is the sum of all the colours.

To move upwards or make a discovery we have to accept where we are each time individually on that spectrum and allow ourselves to step into the next colour. That new combination of colours now accessible to us will allow us to create/find/understand the next step. And then when the time is right we find the way to step up again into that next colour and the process is repeated.

The path through the colours that each person takes is individual. The path is dictated by who we are, what we’ve experienced and what we believe. All of these factors can of course be a limitation if we do not develop and step into that place of nothingness where we accept we “don’t know” and allow the flow to the next place of “no-thing” to happen.

There we will find the next answer on OUR OWN path.

The answer we find is individual, is unique and is powerful and may have immense significance for humanity as a whole as in a technological breakthrough/ a scientific paradigm previously unknown, or it may be the answer we need at that moment to become who we are meant to be.

The answers are all there, we just have to access them.

Teazel and the uniqueness of you. 20.04.17

Teazel and the Uniqueness of You. 20.04.17

In this short episode of Teazel’s Tales, Teazel talks again of the space and finding your own unique way forward.

Teazel and the Uniqueness of you.  20.04.17
Everything comes to he who waits. Mustn’t rush anything. The Devil is in the detail, the smaller parts make the whole.

The same in healing, the parts must be aligned for the being to be in balance. Something mis-aligned – flow does not happen.

I have connection to what was, what is and what will be. My pathi s clear, do not hinder it. Look for the space.

The space is the place of possibilities. It is the place where “it” hasn’t happened yet.
It is the place you create your own path. You access the information around you and you are unique, no being/spirit/entity/energy has ever been the same as you not ever will be.
The permutations of every second ensure that you are truly the only one of you.

Use the power of uniqueness and knowledge to forge your won way forward to reach your own insights and goals
Everything you encounter and do has a significance – it is part of the bigger whole even if it shows you what not to do

The place of nothing – no-thing – the gap

The place of nothing: No-thing. The Gap. 16.11.16

This is quite a confusing one to read as Teazel talks of the place of “no-thing” being the place of where “things” can be created.
For me what she is alluding to is when we can step into clarity and let the creation of others fall away, we allow ourselves to find ourselves, to free ourselves and to become creators in our own right.

The place of “no-thing. 16.11.16

It’s all about the space, the opening, the place between, the no-thing-ness.
Don’t go reaching for the “thing”, look for the “no-thing” because there you’ll find the inspiration, the answer and the way forward.

In the place of “no-thing” there is nothing in your way for forward movement and remember movement is one of the trio needed to be incorporated with balance and clarity/awareness to become your true self.

To find the place of “no-thing” stop and literally look between the vibrations of the atoms, find the space and move into it.

There your own vibration can be free from outside influence, there you will feel the real authentic you – “your-self”. In that space there is no interference from anything else.

In that space there is free access to knowledge and understanding.

“Things” have been created in the place of “no-thing”, the creation is yours

This is the place of powerful creating, nothing gets in the way. You can start your own individual vibration that can reverberate out and start creating.

The place of “no-thing” is the place of creation and power.

Podcast with Warwick Schiller

Podcast with Warwick Schiller 09.07.21

I am so grateful to Warwick Schiller for inviting me onto his Journey On podcast. It was a great chance to talk of life, love, horses and all things energy!

Finding Peace and Potential with a session of Point of Balance

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What can a session of Point of Balance help with

What can a session of Point of Balance help with?